The tournament of dreams is back for more, and it cannot be stopped.

7 June, 1997 – France vs England

Gazza’s back in the starting XI for this one. I think it’s a back 4 with Phil Neville in midfield, or else Gary Neville’s playing in a back 3 with Phil Neville and Graeme le Saux as wing backs. Maybe? Any suggestions, please @ me. Thanks again to eu-football.info for this:

Well I’m afraid perilously little of this game made it through to the YouTube era. We see the end of a replay of David Seaman making a save. Then it cuts to England down the right, with…Beckham? He crosses and it’s slightly deflected. Barthez attempts to cut it out, but spills it and who’s there but yours truly, Alan Shearer to poke home the loose ball from 2 yards out.

Barthez sells it like he’s been fouled or had the ball kicked out of his hands, but on the replay you can clearly see he makes a total hash of it, and while Shearer is a bit clumsy in grinding Barthez’s head into the ground with his trailing leg, it’s not really a foul.

I still can’t work out who this is.

Highlights:

10 June, 1997 – England vs Brazil

Let’s face it, this tournament is only as well remembered as it is for Roberto Carlos’s banana whip of a free kick in the other game against France. Nonetheless, we’re here for the boys in white (or red, in this case). We get a Euro ’96 redux with Hoddle looking to rekindle the old SAS magic. I think it’s a 5-3-2, and yep there’s the graphic:

Not a bad side really, apart from Phil Neville.

Tasty. Real Ronaldo, before the unpleasantness with the knees. Yikes.

Ok, let’s go. Cafu nutses Ince, but his cross is cleared. Southgate (I think) muffs a clearance and Ronaldo looks to be clean through, but Sol Campbell makes an amazing recovery sliding tackle to put it behind for a corner. Glenn Hoddle looks annoyed. The Brazil bench looks bored. Ince exchanges passes with Gazza, and hits a decent effort from 25 yards out, which is touched behind by Taffarel. Denilson is fouled by clumsy fuck Phil Neville, who manages to cut him open hardway. Shearer ballons a header miles over. Not much to write home about yet.

Leonardo breaks through the middle but shoots just over. The ball sits up nicely for GARY NEVILLE, who probably came as close as he ever would to scoring in an England shirt with a tame, bouncing effort from about 30 yards out. Ronaldo gets in behind again but Seaman saves with his legs. Shearer leaves a bit in on Ronaldo, who cheerfully repays the favour by kicking him back. Both get booked.

Bobby C tries to repeat his banana trick, but Seaman punches it behind. Some all around Brazilian piss-taking is finally snuffed out by Le Saux. Chance after chance for Brazil, England are being run ragged. Leonardo plays in Romario, and after something of a toe-poke from about 8 yards, England’s resistance is finally broken. Check out Phil Neville on the replay, gallantly jogging back with no hoping of contributing anything as Romario drives his way through.

Phil Neville can’t even foul Leonardo properly, missing a sliding lunge by miles. He then copies big bro Gary by having a shot on target. Hark at him! And that’s it. England never looked like coming back into it, though Scholes had a half chance that he should have done better with.

Highlights:

England lost the battle, but would still win the Le Tournwar, thanks to Brazil drawing with France and Italy. Hurrah for Le Tournoi!

Today’s feeling: Out in the groups because we finish level with two other teams on 6 points and we’re eliminated because REASONS.