- Emile Heskey – That feeling of betrayal when the ball drops to Emile Heskey in the penalty area, and just for a second, you truly believe…over the bar, and Heskey falls over. Ouch.
- Phil Neville – A friend of mine once opined that Phil Neville was the better footballer versus his brother Gary. Then Euro 2000 happened and no-one ever thought that again. 59 caps and that was the only thing he achieved. That and getting 59 caps. Good God.
- David James – safe hands. No, that was David Seaman, sorry. Hard to pick from his back catalogue of errors, though the Euro 2004 group stage game vs France sticks out – deliberately unsighting himself behind the wall for Zidane’s free-kick equaliser, then conceding the penalty for the French winner. Catastrophic.
- Shaun Wright-Phillips – specifically on the left wing at WC2010. Crippling one-footedness meant he refused to go down the outside, so he either played a short ball back inside or lost it. What were you thinking of, Fabio? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING OF?
- Andrew Cole – his 1 goal from 1 yard against footballing powerhouse Albania was the highlight of his 15-cap career. How the tears would flow after he missed yet another “sighter”.
Honourable mentions: Lee Bowyer (attitude, personality, face), Jermain Defoe (just f***ing pass it!), Frank Lampard (WC2006: Shots – 21, On target – 0, Off target – 21), Jermaine Jenas (existential anguish)
Fell off my seat laughing!
Wes Brown always stuck out for me as a completely unjustified selection. I feel I’m being generous by saying that he probably had one half decent season for Man U in his career. Always been a poor to mediocre defender in my books. I honestly believe the only reason he got in to the England team was because he played for Man U. Back then, it was thought that if you played for Man U, you must have been pretty good.